How shall I then live?

I count many of you who take the time to read here as friends, and there are also many who lurk here that I do not know on a personal level. Either way, you might be surprised to learn that what you have read of my experiences and thoughts on this blog gives you only a one-dimensional view of the person I am and the place from which I have come philosophically, politically, spiritually. I’ve alluded before to the fact that blogging — especially being a part of the Nashville blogging community — has had a huge impact on me because of the diverse group of people I have met and the various viewpoints I have learned about from reading their blogs. With that, as well as my day job, I have had such a major change in my philosophy of life in the past couple of years; so much so that people who have known me for years might be surprised.

For quite awhile, I have wanted to write a post about how I came to move from being an straight-down-the-party-line right-wing conservative to now being moderate to left-of-center when it comes to politics and issues of social justice.

I grew up going to a private, Christian school that was under the leadership of an independent, fundamentalist Baptist church (ala, Jerry Falwell, the Moral Majority, etc). I am very thankful for the foundation I was given when it comes to learning the Bible and having a stepping off point for determining my own moral standards. I had an excellent academic education for which I will always be grateful.

However, the other side of the coin in being raised in that kind of environment is that I was taught to see the world in colors of black and white. Of course, there are some things in life in which a “no compromise” attitude should be applied, but in looking back I realize that in many ways living my life that way paralyzed my being able to have an understanding and compassion for those who are different than me.

That isn’t a good thing when I believe that compassion is at the very root of Jesus’ teachings.

Life has dealt me a lot of hard blows through the years. My faith and belief system were shaken to the core first when my dad was killed, but even more so when I had the complications I did after Amanda was born…and then in finding out that my husband was going through his journey of realizing he was gay, and then the subsequent divorce that took place thereafter.

I was always taught that if I had enough faith, I would be healed, my marriage would be healed, my husband would be healed…if I just prayed hard enough and had enough faith. Well, as much as I begged and pleaded and anguished with God, the “cut and dry, black and white” healing as I thought it should have been didn’t happen.

So I watched as the man I loved and had a beautiful child with became suicidal because he was trying to follow this “cut and dry, black and white” way of living that he was taught was the only way you could exist and be right with God. He wanted to be right with his God…who wouldn’t want that? It was sheer agony. At some level, I can see why people can become promiscuous and reckless with whatever they are struggling to reconcile in their heads. Unfortunately, I’ve experienced the ramifications of it first-hand.

Finally, after putting aside my own hurt for a moment, I chose to see him not as a horrible, sinful abomination, but to see him through Eyes of Compassion, and as a man who was born different than what mainstream American society decided long ago was “normal.”

As I went though that process and have lived through a few more years of life experience since then, I now subscribe to the belief that there are very, very few things that are black and white…we all exist in shades of gray.

So when it comes to issues of social justice and how we treat each other as human beings, what I see are too many laws that treat our existence as a society in absolutes.

To me, in a world full of grays that’s a problem.

For instance, while our laws as an absolute say we should banish people who do not have their papers in order there are millions who have come here to merely survive and who cannot afford to get that precious documentation completed. Most of them are vital, contributing people who society has come to depend upon. Yes, they are culturally different than me. Yes, they speak a different language. Does the lack of papers mean they deserve to be hated? If I say I want to live a life of compassion like Jesus did, how can I justify animosity toward them? I can’t.

Another example is that while our laws as an absolute say we should kill people who have killed there are hundreds of death row inmates who are mentally ill, too poor to afford an adequate defense, and possibly innocent. And yet, we as a country are willing to kill when it’s possible we are killing the wrong person or for the wrong reason. If I say life is sacred, then how can I justify killing them? I can’t.

There are other issues that have given me pause in trying to reconcile my faith with my politics, but I do not want to make this post the longest and most boring in history.

The bottom line, for me, is to live what I believe. Live compassion. Live mercy. Live grace.

The other day I was channel-surfing when I happened upon one of those Gaither Homecoming Specials they show on GAC. I stopped when I saw Bill Gaither interviewing his wife, Gloria.

Gloria Gaither is one of the most prolific lyricists of all time. Bar none.

When she writes, she will listen to a melody written by Bill and she listens over and over to see what the music says to her. She was talking about how she read “How Should We Then Live?” by Francis Shaeffer, and that it influenced her to write the lyrics to the song, “I Then Shall Live.” She said, “Poets can write ideas, but to live it is really hard.” When she was finished writing the lyrics (to the music of “Finlandia“) she said she hoped people would understand that she couldn’t live these words so easily.

“But you always have to have ideals bigger than your life. It is said that if you want to be happy, lower your expectations, but the truth is, if you want to be great, raise them.”

People already know what’s wrong within them. I know all too well my own imperfections and what’s wrong with me, but what we all need in our lives is to surround ourselves with people who see beyond it. To look beyond our faults. Showing mercy when we probably need justice. Showing love when we have betrayed.

That is an overwhelming quest, but it is a high calling…and it is how I choose to live.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

The verse in Gloria’s lyrics that moved me so much is this…

I then shall live as one who’s learned compassion;
I’ve been so loved that I’ll risk loving, too.
I know how fear builds walls instead of bridges;
I dare to see another’s point of view.
And when relationships demand commitment,
Then I’ll be there to care and follow through.

– words by Gloria Gaither
–sung to the tune of Finlandia

Here is the song in it’s entirely…it’s worth your time. Enjoy and be inspired!