When the Online World’s a Stage

I have been out of sorts.

There are so many things going on in my life that I want to pour my heart out to you about.  Unfortunately, a lot of it has to do with my job and matters of the heart that would cause others a lot of drama, so I either talk to friends or lock my posts, but I can’t open up like I’d like to with you, my readers.

So I’ve kept things kind of superficial around here lately.

That goes against my nature.  I am a very transparent person.  What you see is what you get.  What you read here is the truth.  I do not make up stories or embellish them to make you think I am something I’m not.

So if my life is sucking, you’ll know about it.  If it’s great, you’ll read it…and yeah, I might get the occasional backlash that I’m bragging or not being responsible enough or whatever, but it is what it is.

And if I can’t talk about it, I’ll usually just post pictures or videos or memes.

I have come to realize that even at 41 years of age, for all that I have learned about some things in life, I am still so freaking naive about other things.

For instance, because I am truthful about who I am online, I tend to automatically think that everything I read from others is truth, as well.  It actually surprised me when a friend of mine told me once that something he wrote didn’t really happen, he was just making it up because he thought it was funny and his readers would laugh.

I have always gravitated toward seeing the very best in people.  I want to think everyone’s intentions are pure.  One of my downfalls has been that I want to think everybody has my best interest at heart when in this cruel world, it is simply not the case.  This sounds pathetic and depressing, but I’m going to lay it out here for you…but do you want to know how I feel right now?  Here’s the cold, hard reality as I see it at 11:15am (CDT) Sunday, November 16th, 2008:  even the nicest men (as they appear) are only out for the next lay, and in an effort to get the next notch on their belt will run over how ever many women’s hearts they need to in order to get to the next one (am I sitting her crying about it?  No…it just is.); in watching how our economy is crumbling, companies are only after their bottom line and when it all comes down to it people are just numbers; and when we live outside of whatever spiritual force it is that gives us our conscience (for me it is Christ, for you…fill in your own blank), we are bound to destroy ourselves and each other from the inside out.

That’s why it is so important to stay mindful.  Don’t go into autopilot when you (collective you–myself, included, here) are jacking around with other people’s hearts and lives.

How many conflicts…hell, wars…would be avoided if people would just do that?

Aunt B.’s words resonated with me this morning…

Though I often forget it, Sarcastro once said something to me that has kept me from greater heartbreak on-line–”The internet is not real.”

I would modify that, a little.  I think that this is obviously real.  Here I am writing this and it appears on screen and you react to it or you don’t.  But it leaves evidence of its existence and it causes things to happen.  I think it’s as real as it gets.

Just in the years since he told me that, I’ve come to believe that the internet is not True, only the illusion of True.  Hell, maybe Shakespeare’s right and the whole world is a stage and we are always already acting our parts.  But that is even more true on the internet.  I cannot see your face.  I cannot hear the shake or the joy in your voice.  I cannot hold your hand.  I cannot shut my eyes and just listen to you snore quietly on the couch.  I trust that you are real, but I cannot, in this medium trust that I know the truth of you.

And I cannot know whether you are trying to show me the truth of you or just trying to have a forum in which you can unaccountably act your shit out.

Which brings me to piece of wisdom I am glad to have, part two–Say Uncle’s slogan “I do this for me, not you.”

Indeed…and because of that, you may choose to embellish for the sake of entertainment, and that’s your prerogative — more power to ya.

However, I would like to lovingly encourage you that when you turn away from your keyboard and you face your online friends in the real world, you are able to reconcile how you have presented yourself with who you really are.

Because like Ron said in his post about Bloggers and Blogging yesterday, “It’s a lot easier to relax and be yourself online (or be a totally fake person, but if you try that kind of thing you’ll generally get found out one way or another).”